Totally The Last Version Of Windows

Macrosalt Chief Executor Billy Gee has announced the release of Windows 238.91, which the company claims is the new last version of Windows.

“Look, I know we already said 10 will be the last version, and 11 after that, but trust us this time. Everyone who has ever used any version of Windows will feel comfortable on 238.91, which after all is the average of all the previous versions.

“Windows 238.91 brings more that 70 GB of preinstalled garbage, trackers, malware and ads. With a minimum requirement of 8 GB RAM to boot and a recommended 256 GB RAM for basic usage, Windows 238.91 is the most powerful version of Windows yet.

“Windows 238.91 now has support for displaying text and images side by side on the same monitor. No one else has ever done this before. It has support for multiple keys being pressed at one without exploding (much). No one has ever done that either.

[Editorial note: This is a bit of an obscure reference. According to the Windows 11 launch stream, apparently no one else had implemented titling windows before. Except that Linux has had tiling window managers for long time.]

“In Windows 11, we moved the start menu to the centre of the taskbar. We did this to show that we are not Leftists (unless when we are talking them into buying our products.) Now we have moved it to the centre of the screen, as we are not Bottomists either (unless, of course, we are selling them our products.) A start menu in the exact centre of the screen will mean that you will have to drag your mouse less as it will be much closer to the cursor wherever it is, increasing productivity.

“As of security, critical Windows components such as WordPad and MS Paint are now upto 90 % bug-free, as long as no one discovers any more bugs.

“Our Cortanavirus, which already listened to you 24/7 (for your convenience) can (and will) also monitor your camera and location (for your convenience.)

“All in all, we believe Windows 238.91 would definitely be an upgrade over previous versions. Whether it is a positive one or not is subjective.”

CEO Nutella and the guy screaming “DEVELOPERS” were unavailable for contact.

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